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Self care & Family care: 3 Rules apply to both

The last set of three (in 1-2-32: The World According to Neal) consists of three rules I have observed and experienced as powerful guides. When/if I can follow these three rules, I need no other rules to guide my behavior and decision-making.

Rule #1: Treat others as I wish them to treat me, but I am not holding my breath. (Golden Rule)

Only when I do unto others, as I want them to do unto me can I ask them to do unto me in the same fashion. However, while I can ask I cannot expect. Think of an expectation as an appointment. I make appointments, I get disappointments. That is what I mean by “not holding my breath.

Rule #2: Treat myself as I wish others to treat me. (Platinum Rule) Treat myself the way I wish others to treat me. Be an example/model for us as to how I wish to be treated. I wish to be treated with kindness? Be kind to myself.   I wish to be treated with respect? Respect myself.   I wish to be treated fairly, be fair to myself.

Or more directly: I deserve to be treated well. That includes how I treat myself!!!

Rule #3: Be true to myself. This rule is much more difficult to talk about. Figuring out where “self” stops and “other” begins prompts an ongoing discussion within most of us, particularly as parents. However, the better I get at following the first two rules, the better I will understand what it means to be true to myself.

Next post will contain the complete 1-2-32  (aka The World According to Neal).

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2 Responses so far.

  1. Margot Schindler says:

    For rule number 3, I was thinking as a mother, one can get distracted by how other people want one to act or, one can go deeply into what is necessary to work with the attachment with the child.

    For instance, if a person is constantly distracted by a spouse who needs to argue… but, on having a child, you realize that this arguing becomes a distraction and you need to move past that issue so you can focus more on how to care for the child. Both parents need to realize what the arguing was doing and move beyond that so there is more work on the triad rather than just focus of what had been a dyadic relationship.

  2. Lori P. says:

    I think we all want our children to grow up taking good care of themselves – though we cannot teach what we ourselves do not know.

    Many of us grew up watching our mothers sacrifice as our imprinted model of mothering. It is a hard model to break and to some extent, there is a lot of social support for putting your needs last all the time. It is not necessarily overtly stated – but clubs, sport, grandparents, some teachers, etc. have expectations of parents that are often quite unrealistic – more so if you have more than one child.

    So, your rules are a wonderful reminder of not only encouraging self-care in a world that very often encourages parental self-sacrifice – but also how to be in any and all relationships. Modeling this self-care for our children is a gift to them. Great Info on this site!

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