1, 2, 3! Self-care & Parenting are just that Simple
The same principles for taking care of your family apply to taking care of yourself. My two books, Parents’ Guide to Parenting Teenagers: Because I Said So!! and Teenagers’ Guide to the Teenage Years: What’s the Big Idea?! are bound together (two books in one!) to reflect that.
I believe all of us, all day long, every day, are simply trying to have things the way we want. Every day, all day long, all of us. And we have two primary sources of power towards having things the way we want: 1) Knowing how good we are (not “good at”); and 2) Keeping agreements with ourselves and others.
What we notice we can remember. What remember we can repeat. Nobody can remember anything she/he does not notice. We are all experts at noticing when we blow it. We are all experts at noticing when we feel bad (e.g., angry, sad, lonely, anxious, frustrated, disappointed, scared). We are all experts at noticing what it takes to feel bad. If that’s all we notice, that’s all we can remember. If that’s all we remember, that’s what we are bound to repeat.
I believe the work for all of us is to improve our ability to notice our own good work. The more of your good work you notice, the more you can remember. The more you remember, the deeper your pool of memories becomes from which to choose what you will do next.
As well, the better you get at noticing and remembering your own good work, the more deposits you can make into your Know How Good I Am power bank towards having things the way you want. Agreement-keeping is simply a skill (or skill set). All skills improve with repetition/practice. All good work includes some form of agreement keeping (with yourself and/or with another). So, the better you get at noticing, remembering and repeating your own good work (stuff you’re supposed to do and having a good time count as “good work”), the more repetitions you generate towards improving your agreement-keeping ability. This increases the number of deposits you can make into your Agreement-Keeping power bank towards having things the way you want.
Do you see how the above folds into each other? I call it 1-2-3. 1 – We spend all of our time and efforts towards having things the way we want; 2 – The two primary sources of power towards having things the way you want: 1) Knowing How Good You Are; and 2) Keeping Agreements (with yourself and others). And, 3 – Notice, Remember, Repeat.
Simple!! “Simple” does not does not imply “easy.” Indeed, Notice, Remember and Repeat is very demanding. [“Simple” means “few moving parts” (e.g., a simple machine).] Demanding and worth the trouble. I have based my books, as well as my work with my kids (my clients in my private psychology practice) and my work on myself on 1-2-3.
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- This and everything found in Dr. Neal’s Corner are for educational purposes only. Professional advice specific to your situation should only be given in the context of a professional relationship with a licensed health care professional.
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